first move.

I was driving from Texas to Colorado. I had no job, and no home.

Seven years ago today was one of the grandest days of my life.

I'd just begun my wandering, and it was this day upon which much of the rest of my life depended.

There is no way to describe it other than crazy. I had left California with my car, a couple weeks' pay, and whatever fit in a laundry basket in the backseat and a couple of small boxes in the trunk. I drove to El Paso, met a few friends out there, stayed a few days, and then headed north to Colorado to interview with this family I connected with online.

I was a few minutes late. I had to call them and let them know that I hit unexpected traffic in Colorado. I was a teenager, after all, and this was before cell phones all came with GPS, and my directions were printed off of either Google or MapQuest (we actually still liked MQ back then).

An hour after arriving in CO, I had a job, a home, and what I didn't know, was my life was forever changed.

There's something to be said for the change I experienced in myself once I saw that chutzpah--and outright teenage foolishness--that demanded a change in scenery, a better life, and made it happen. People commented on my "big scary move to Kansas". Trust me, moving in my twenties, to go to a college, with resources, and community, and having all my work history, education, and everything I've already done to go back on--not to mention a few thousand dollars, made moving seem so small.

I did it all as a teenager with none of that, Check.

There's also the change I saw from working for the wonderful family who hired me. They had a profound impact on me, and I would not be where I am without them. Let me put it this way: they inspired an acting love for the marginalized people in society, that is without a doubt one of the direct reasons I am pursuing a degree in social work. They helped me answer the questions of how do I use my passion in a realistic way to do good?

So here's to those seven years, and to that day, that has so greatly determined the course of my life.

Expectations

Life isn't always, or rather isn't ever what we expected it to be, is it?

I was so satisfied when I first moved to Kansas.

I felt so completed by my school program.

I hate them both.

Let me set this part straight: I have met some wonderful people here, and I do not regret knowing them for a minute. I also think that working and living in this state will be of professional benefit, especially after I escape. How can I better advocate for people living and working in poverty with few resources unless I have also been there myself?

I lived in poverty as a child, but my mother shielded my from it. We also lived in California, and while things were certainly different a couple decades ago, I have come to recognize that California has a wealth of resources even at its worst. I live in one of the largest, most liberal cities in Kansas, and it is severely lacking in resources I thought were basic. Like mental health centers, reproductive health centers, certain social services, etc.

I love the adventure of moving around, but when it comes to the goodbyes, and having my friends spread all about the country, that part sucks. It makes me afraid to create deep relationships, or find better jobs or activities, while at the same time, I know how important they are. I'm simply afraid of something (someone) to hold me down here, because of how much I hate it. I don't want circumstances to make me feel stuck.