Expectations

Life isn't always, or rather isn't ever what we expected it to be, is it?

I was so satisfied when I first moved to Kansas.

I felt so completed by my school program.

I hate them both.

Let me set this part straight: I have met some wonderful people here, and I do not regret knowing them for a minute. I also think that working and living in this state will be of professional benefit, especially after I escape. How can I better advocate for people living and working in poverty with few resources unless I have also been there myself?

I lived in poverty as a child, but my mother shielded my from it. We also lived in California, and while things were certainly different a couple decades ago, I have come to recognize that California has a wealth of resources even at its worst. I live in one of the largest, most liberal cities in Kansas, and it is severely lacking in resources I thought were basic. Like mental health centers, reproductive health centers, certain social services, etc.

I love the adventure of moving around, but when it comes to the goodbyes, and having my friends spread all about the country, that part sucks. It makes me afraid to create deep relationships, or find better jobs or activities, while at the same time, I know how important they are. I'm simply afraid of something (someone) to hold me down here, because of how much I hate it. I don't want circumstances to make me feel stuck.